Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
