if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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