Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize