im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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