Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
