you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
50% drunk capacity currently
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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