You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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