the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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