My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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