i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
