I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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