i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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