Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
