You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
