There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
