he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
