u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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