And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish you could order shots online.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
