Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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