she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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