We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize