Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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