good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
