There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's just like the Real World with babies
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
