Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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