Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
