Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
