She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
