I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize