i need an iv and a liver transplant
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
