u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
