Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
