Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize