Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
