Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize