i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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