you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
