we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize