I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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