do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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