U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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