You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
