I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize