GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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