How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
