my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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