I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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