meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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