She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His nipple licking is glorious
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