He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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