It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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