I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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