did you get engaged???
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
