I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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