Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
