Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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