Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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