I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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