the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize