Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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