I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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