I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
