Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
