Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think weed is turning my hair brown
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
