Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
