Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize