So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my shit smells like andre
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
