apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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