you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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