marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
