Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
