Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize