So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wear drunk well.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
