Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
