he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
